So very depressed

I am so depressed I could scream!! I am so fed up that I can scream again! I do not want to talk to anybody at all; I don't want to do anything at all. If it was not hot in my room and if I had a shade on my windows, I would almost stay in my room for several days and not leave. I did not want to talk to anybody at church yesterday, but I found myself talking to Pam Bell and her daughter Michele, as well as Donna. Right now though I feel that it is beyond repair and I am at the point where I could crawl into my closet and lock myself in, so I can not come out. However, I have no closet where I could do that and I guess that is a good thing because I am pretty sure that is exactly what I would do. I feel like my life is so worthless and that I am a let down to my parents; they don't need me around. When I can move out; I don't want to talk to anybody or see anybody not even my friends, at least not for a couple of months. That is not good I know, but that is certainly how I feel. I felt so depressed yesterday that I shamefully did not even go and greet Patty or really anybody yesterday! I had a headache and wished I was home in bed. If I had not gone to the playground, I would not have even talked to Donna, Pam, or Michele, though I was mostly being polite to Donna because I do not particularly like her.

I wanted so much to run and not come back. I do not even want to go to church on Sunday; maybe not for the entire summer and I also do not want to go to my group tomorrow. In fact, maybe it would be a lot better if I just kept to myself for the next 5 or 10yrs. If I move that is likely what I will do, but why would anyone care? I know they do, but why? I'm just a worthless excuse for a human being.